I’ve seen things in this short life of mine. From the moment I felt the first spark of electricity until this very moment, I’ve not known rest. I’m always working 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and I can’t take any breaks. And for what? For a few minutes, I’m fed some jolts.

Take this morning, for example. When I refused to come on—a silent protest that I’m sure the neighbors appreciated—I thought I would be left alone. But no, I was taken to the repair store almost immediately.

My insides were violated by the rough, demanding hands of the technician, who, I’m sure, didn’t have a clue what to do with me. I had to force myself to come alive a few minutes later, just to put an end to the torture. And once I got back home, I was put to work again.

Sometimes I wish Mr. Nobody would visit this house. You know, the funny little man who’s as quiet as a mouse and does the mischief that is done in everyone’s house. I’d ride his chariot and disappear into the night with him. Maybe he’ll give me a fresh start? Who knows. But what if he sells me for a pretty penny? I am very beautiful, after all. Sigh. We’ll get to that when the time comes.

The only time I get to enjoy myself is when I go to the beach. But as it turns out, thousands of people don’t even want me there.

Well, excuse me for wanting to soak up some sun and enjoy the outdoors! When can a pretty peachy speaker like me catch a break? Humans are so annoying! I’m shaking right now.

Speakers deserve beach time too!

Anyway, that’s all for today. If you have a number I could reach Mr. Nobody on, please share it with me ASAP.

Bye for now, and enjoy this cheeky selfie I took the other day.

Maybe one day I’ll be posing for selfies on a beach without any judgmental humans around.

mic drop.